911 in Bulgaria

Every year on 911 the hardest part for me is the silence. The way that the day seems to get ignored. I find myself getting angry at the people around me not mourning the loss - not focusing on the tragedy. But this year I was traveling back from Israel to Bulgaria on 911 and I found for the first time my own thoughts were on silent. I didn't forget and I knew what day it was but for the first time I found I could not focus on what that meant. Today was the first time since I was 11 years old that I did not cry on 911. I began to feel angry at me - how could I be one of those callous people not focusing on the day? But then I remembered my Mark and began thinking of happy times together instead. I  have decided that this year I would let it be a year I didn't cry but instead made today a celebration to the cousin I love so much. Mark was a smart, thoughtful, kind person and I try to channel him and think of him all the time. This year is the most terrifying and exciting adventure I have ever embarked on - and today I dedicate my adventures to Mark. I start teaching in about a weeks time and I hope that when I walk into that classroom I can channel Mark - the person who taught me to throw a baseball, gave me wet kisses on the nose and was patient and kind. I hope to make Mark proud and I do not cry for him today but remember him and channel him to be the best me I can be.

I love you Mark.