Moving to Chicago and my exploration of my new home

Lets start at the very beginning.

My mother and I drove FROM NEW JERSEY to Chicago JUST THE TWO OF US in a SMALL CAR for FOURTEEN hours. And we made it - without killing each other and actually having a really great time overall.

The drive was tough - its long and we only did it in two days - mostly with myself at the wheel. But our first night along our journey we stayed in Cleveland - had a wonderful dinner together and went to bed early. Once we finally arrived in Chicago we had dinner and again went to bed early.

But the next day we spent exploring and laughing and taking pictures and overall having a lovely time. We went to Michigan avenue and walked along the lake. We lazily walked along Navy pear, saw Millennial park and had an awesome boat tour of the architecture in the city. That night we tried Chicago style deep dish pizza and giggled through a bottle of wine. The next morning my mother caught an early flight back to New Jersey and a few hours later I moved in.

I was so nervous - I was nervous about driving there - bringing my stuff in - meeting people and setting up my room.

My first week in the house was really stressful. My roommate (who is probably now my closest friend in the house and in Chicago) got really sick and it was hard navigating my needs and hers that first week. I felt constantly under-slept and a bit sick myself - but she had the flu and then pneumonia and I felt selfish worrying about my needs - but did feel they were being overlooked. I was also missing everyone at home and just not feeling comfortable yet. We were doing really intense sharing and deep thinking with brand new people and I was not ready to share my deepest emotions with strangers, but also felt pressure to be insightful and thoughtful. Avodah does this intentionally but it was hard and exhausting - both physically and emotionally and I was struggling...

And then shabbat came... and it was like a switch went off - it was this really beautiful 25 hours and such a warm environment. We did everything in the house - Kabbalat Shabbat - dinner - lunch - meeting alums - it was all lovely.

Then Monday was a much needed free day and I went swimming with a friend - went out with my roommate for the first time - to target and began to fill settled.

A time I went out with my roommate and her friend (roommate - The lovely Julie Ann
is the one in the center). 

The next day I began work ----
a little about work:

The first week was training - the second week was shadowing - and then by the third week I began seeing clients ON MY OWN!

At this point I have 13 clients - who I have to schedule appointments with - to discuss treatment plans - medication monitoring - discharge from hospitals (in the case of one client) and drive to appointments. It is an exhausting job and I feel somewhat out of my depth but I am learning so so much and I am really enjoying it - overall.

Because of confidentiality I cannot share stories of my experience on the job - but its an intense job and I know already will be one of the hardest things I will ever do.

What else have I been doing?

Most nights someone cooks dinner and we all eat together - its awesome! The food is great and its so nice to be able to talk and detox at the end of every day.

Some of my housemates - out on the town! 

On the weekends we go grocery shopping and I have been trying to do something nice and fun.

I saw avenue Q - which was awesome! I saw my cousins - who I haven't seen in forever, got dinner with fulbright friends, etc. and then Rosh Hashanah!

Rosh Hashanah was weird and different than I am accustomed to - but it was great!

I went to Mishkan - this very alternative synagogue with some people in my house - which was super cool. I went with my roommate to her family friends - they were lovely and incredibly warm and had a meal with many of housemates. Overall it was great even if different.

So much more to say - but as it turns out - all these risks and leaps of faith I have been making are working out and I am so grateful for this opportunity to learn and grow.

911 2014

I have been meaning to post something since I arriving in Chicago about what my adjustment has been like and how amazing the city is.

This week was my second week at work and my third in Chicago. I have had highs and lows since my arrival. It has been really stressful moving in, meeting new people and adjusting to a new job.

I will definitely write again about the amazing highs I have had since arriving but right now I want to pay tribute to the day and to my cousin Mark.

Today has been really hard and has definitely felt in many ways like a low. But I still went to work, I still laughed with my new co-workers, got ready in the morning with my awesome new roommate and had a productive day.

I was poignantly aware of the date all day today but my focus had to be on my new job and my new clients.

However, the minute I walked in the door at the end of the day today, a big weight fell on my chest and the full emotional strain of the date settled in.

I never know how to feel on 911 or how I will feel. But this year has been particularly emotional. I think its all the changes and new starts but I miss Mark today more than I have in years past.

As I drove to work I passed signs commemorating 911 and news on the radio about the day. I feel appreciative to be back in America where I can feel a collective mourning and recognition of what today means.

I know that for me 911 is different than for my co-workers or for the people that I live with, but I appreciate the collective understanding of what today means and that at least the day does not get ignored.

With my housemates we will eat dinner and write memories of where we were on 911 and how we felt. One girl suggested we light candles in honor of the many murdered today. I just feel this outpouring of love and understanding from the people I live with and just met and I am really touched to be part of such a special community.

Our 911 tribute 

I thought at the end of this post I would share what I remember from 911, 2001...

My 6th grade hebrew teacher walked into the classroom in tears. Only days before she told us one of her close friends was ill and I remember thinking "oh my god her friend must have died" However, she was crying over the many lives lost in the world trade center on the planes that crashed. She invited us all to go to the auditorium at school to pray. I remember feeling sad but in that impersonal "thank god its not me" kind of way. I remember some classmates crying and worrying about their parents working in NY. My parents worked in NJ. I was unconcerned. At 2PM my other teacher turned on the radio for us to listen to the news. All of a sudden I remembered Mark, at our labor day barbecue, telling my Dad all about his new job which would be starting in the world trade center. I broke. I could not stop crying. My teacher turned off the news and allowed me to cry (and snot) all over her. Later when I got off the bus my mother was waiting for me and took me home. It was like a train station in my house. Neighbors in and out - everyone on the phone. My mom left immediately after dropping me off at home to be with my aunt. My uncle was stuck in the city - looking at the towers - knowing that was where his son may have just been killed. My mother spent the night with my aunt.

The next day we all stayed home from school. Some time in the evening my brother came home from college. I remember how scared I felt when I saw him. Because Mark had felt like such a brother to me - seeing my brother home and safe made me feel so scared and relieved.

We still did not know if Mark was alive or dead. But we knew that if he could call or reach us he would and as the days passed we lost hope...

As I get closer to the age Mark was when he died I feel this very odd emotion. I always think of Mark as this great big cousin who taught me so much and I fear surpassing him. But he was such a thoughtful and amazing man that as I get older I still search to impress him and make him proud. I really hope he is proud of what I am doing this year and that he thinks the choices I have made and I am making are the right ones.

I love you Mark! Take care of Grandma.