This week was my second week at work and my third in Chicago. I have had highs and lows since my arrival. It has been really stressful moving in, meeting new people and adjusting to a new job.
I will definitely write again about the amazing highs I have had since arriving but right now I want to pay tribute to the day and to my cousin Mark.
Today has been really hard and has definitely felt in many ways like a low. But I still went to work, I still laughed with my new co-workers, got ready in the morning with my awesome new roommate and had a productive day.
I was poignantly aware of the date all day today but my focus had to be on my new job and my new clients.
However, the minute I walked in the door at the end of the day today, a big weight fell on my chest and the full emotional strain of the date settled in.
I never know how to feel on 911 or how I will feel. But this year has been particularly emotional. I think its all the changes and new starts but I miss Mark today more than I have in years past.
As I drove to work I passed signs commemorating 911 and news on the radio about the day. I feel appreciative to be back in America where I can feel a collective mourning and recognition of what today means.
I know that for me 911 is different than for my co-workers or for the people that I live with, but I appreciate the collective understanding of what today means and that at least the day does not get ignored.
With my housemates we will eat dinner and write memories of where we were on 911 and how we felt. One girl suggested we light candles in honor of the many murdered today. I just feel this outpouring of love and understanding from the people I live with and just met and I am really touched to be part of such a special community.
 |
| Our 911 tribute |
I thought at the end of this post I would share what I remember from 911, 2001...
My 6th grade hebrew teacher walked into the classroom in tears. Only days before she told us one of her close friends was ill and I remember thinking "oh my god her friend must have died" However, she was crying over the many lives lost in the world trade center on the planes that crashed. She invited us all to go to the auditorium at school to pray. I remember feeling sad but in that impersonal "thank god its not me" kind of way. I remember some classmates crying and worrying about their parents working in NY. My parents worked in NJ. I was unconcerned. At 2PM my other teacher turned on the radio for us to listen to the news. All of a sudden I remembered Mark, at our labor day barbecue, telling my Dad all about his new job which would be starting in the world trade center. I broke. I could not stop crying. My teacher turned off the news and allowed me to cry (and snot) all over her. Later when I got off the bus my mother was waiting for me and took me home. It was like a train station in my house. Neighbors in and out - everyone on the phone. My mom left immediately after dropping me off at home to be with my aunt. My uncle was stuck in the city - looking at the towers - knowing that was where his son may have just been killed. My mother spent the night with my aunt.
The next day we all stayed home from school. Some time in the evening my brother came home from college. I remember how scared I felt when I saw him. Because Mark had felt like such a brother to me - seeing my brother home and safe made me feel so scared and relieved.
We still did not know if Mark was alive or dead. But we knew that if he could call or reach us he would and as the days passed we lost hope...
As I get closer to the age Mark was when he died I feel this very odd emotion. I always think of Mark as this great big cousin who taught me so much and I fear surpassing him. But he was such a thoughtful and amazing man that as I get older I still search to impress him and make him proud. I really hope he is proud of what I am doing this year and that he thinks the choices I have made and I am making are the right ones.
I love you Mark! Take care of Grandma.
No comments:
Post a Comment